It has been rough as of late. We have been grieving the loss of out brother who was tortured to death. That we understood. What we know know is we are starting to grieve the loss of Page who took care o us until we were about 4. She taught us to read and so much more. She love us very much. She was tortured to death on the same bench as my black brother or maybe by the same person. It is all confused.
There is a transference thing with our therapist. We hate transference.
We are multiple. We all have to grieve our losses. This is a very hard dynamic to deal with. Some of us are excited that some are grieving their loss. We know things will be better for them and us once they have done so. It interferes with the process of their grieving. They get pushed.
So we are back in therapy after pretty much not being in therapy for much of two years. We have been doing the work and we have been writing to our therapist.
Right now there is a push to go more often. It seems our therapist is Ok with this. We make our own decisions. Our therapist would never say we should see her more or less. Reality is she loves us and likes to see us. We love her and like to see her.
We have an appointment next Friday and for some of us it was a question of was that to early. Others of us want to go earlier. We have always gone with is some want to see our therapist and we can than we do. We have also gone with none of us have to go to therapy and if one wants us not to than we do not. It has served us well.
However we are not sure it is best. Well it would be best if there were not practical considerations. So we are confused and we have had enough confusion to last a life time and the last two years have been pretty much without a break.
So everything is all messed up right now. We have little to hold on to.
We are in transition of some sort that is for sure.
OK we just figured out that what is going on is we know when there is less light and there is less sun energy available we are going to suffer. We are multiple so there are many ideas on what should be done and not that will solve it. We should not have to adjust to the amount of light and sun so we do not suffer. That is wrong.
We called our therapist and told her we would like to see her sooner than next fri. Not any big yank. Sorry I am from new england. This is new. It is also new that we want to see here as we do not want to deal with this planning for this winter alone. It is not about one of us or about processing or trying t figure out how multiplicity works we do not want to deal with this alone. It is not something we can share with anyone else as it is different if you have lived in cages. People would just turn it into something normal which it is not. My therapist and I have not worked on much that is at all of a practical matter.
We are multiple. A lot of what is going on is transference between I our therapist and Page the girl who took care of us until we were 4. She was tortured to death. If the dark was not coming we would do this differently.