This was written as a comment on Faith’s blog and it is to unrelated to post there.
It is weird. I love to fly. No responsibility and any failure is not going to be my fault and no one is going to say the plane did not crash. If I am injured no one is going to say I was not.
Often before when I used to end up in the hospital people used to say they were sorry I had to go to the hospital and I would reply if I was in a train wreck you would not be sorry I had to go to a hospital.
I much more now after 7 years trust I the work will get me somewhere that is better. Most of the time.
For me it was for a long time not knowing what the point A or point B was and had to start in the middle.
I do what I call framing when working of memories and once I have a start and end to an event that I can work on it. Over time we have gotten good at knowing we can find two points.
Memory work was not safe for me as a multiple. Not self harm. I could really not know who or where I was. I might not know I could drive or be able to find my car.
Funny story kinda. I went to a conference that I had to go to have money to do the work I needed to do. It was 8 hours long. I could not find my car in the parking garage. I had to wonder around looking for it. At first I did not know what kinda of car I drove to the conference. I finally narrowed it down to the two I currently owned and was pretty sure it was not my motorcycle as I had not helmet.
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We are headed to that time of year when this conference happens. We are very very out of it right now. We think we are OK because we have the tanning booth for light.
There has been this conference thing going on. It is in the same city where we went to a hospital that was a bad place for anyone. It in a way mirrored one of the trips to the MKULTRA facility. It is in the dead of the winter and that is not a help. It used to be held somewhere else and we get lost every time we go there as we have a thing where we retrace out route anytime we get lost.
There is one that is out who Kitty (Real cat) does not like. Kitty does not know him is why. We do not recognize him either as he is not as beat up as usual. He and Kitty who he calls the cat are getting to know each other.
We went and made marbles. We cried as we love it there so much. We were alone as we are a monitor and no one was at open studio.
When we were 4 and we think this was the second trip to the MKULTRA facility we came home and my parents had moved. This was really really hard on us. We have a sense we were at another facility when we were three. We are still working that all out.
My parents had a television. Not unlikely from a bonus of us being in the facility. Matches the way the MKULTA was funded. It was hard on us. We had never seen a television in our house before. The rest of the family had already got used to it. We really really felt more left out than usual.
The first show we saw was Romper Room. We remember the majic mirror. This somehow came up at home depot as I was checking out. We covered by being funny as we know how to do. It was interesting the clerk said thank you in a way that to us meant thank you for being you. I am pretty funny.
The magic mirror was real hard on us. We wanted to see our friends at MKULTRA. Being with Miss Nancy looked pretty go to us also. We thought that was what school would be like for us. Little did we know.
We did stay in normal school in the first grade all the way to OCT. That was pretty good. We got to go home for Christmas. Other children did not.
We marched a lot in MKULTRA. 4 year-old marching. It was so so very very wrong. Not only what happened there but what we missed by being their.
All and all we are well pleased. This is hard. Not as hard as before.
