I forgot. The photo in the last post are of my marbles. I made all but two of them which my instructor made.
It is childish to think that because you have a name for something that others understand that you have understanding. This is pervasive and where most peoples understanding ends which is fine. What I did not understand is it is assumed my understanding stops at the same place.
This is not knowledge. I know Phd’s who can only name and identify. Most of them in fact.
I do not know how I missed this.
I find now when I say I do not understand … or what I do not get is …. People tell me what I really knew when I was 10 at the latest. I am serious.
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So we are not doing that well on the one hand and on the other are stoked. We will be doing much better once we can get some sun.
Our reptilian brain told us that we needed to get to some sun. That is where the Ecuador thing came from. Our reptilian brain does not say I told you so. We did not get enough sun and our reptilian brain accepts this and tells us what can be done now. Which is different than what it told us months ago and even yesterday. This is where much of our inconstancy come from. We really are consistent. It is observed we are not. Our body is not telling us the same thing it would if we had different experiences.
It is still well we will see if we are correct. We are pretty sure.
We can not go to the tanning booth as we are still burned just a tad. Maybe tomorrow. There is not sun out today. Maybe this afternoon.
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This is by far the easiest winter we have had since we started therapy in 1995. There are many reasons. Actually I can not say that and I do not want to take the effort to remember. It is the best one in the last 7 years is close enough.
So much so that even if the rest of the winter goes to hell. It will still be better.
Pretty much right now we can not do much of anything as we are sun deprived. We think in a way know that we know what it is we use up even more of our sun energy. Just because we can.
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Stan the man is another name from the MKULTRA Marine camp.
Yesterday we recounted how Earl the Pearl kept us out of the tent “Queers in Here’ and saved us. He was saving us for himself. He was not sadistic and so it is different for us. He is really messed up in the head. Not as bad as many others we knew. This is not excusing him or others like him. We have to deal with our reality.
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We went to the pool and we knew we could not quite get into it. Even our handstands were off. We were going to do what we usually do and come into it. Then we knew we were sun deprived and that was the reason we could not get into it. So to come into it would make coming back from being sun deprived harder.
All and all we are well pleased and see the losses we are experiencing now more temporary and temporal in a different way.
We are most glad we did not buy into the shit that this to shall pass and it was not a temporary problem. If we have and we think we have solved this and made it so it to shall pass and is temporary than almost everyone else was WRONG. We are glad we dare to think in black and white when things are black and white.
We were all about this was all about sleep. It used to be and that is how we discovered what the sun means to us.
This work has always been a choice for us. We are multiple. We can cope and we can do well. I am not sure we could have taken off and been OK unless we took of to somewhere there was sun.
To be clear we lived in Fla for three years and worked outside most of the time. We worked in an office for about three months then quit. We were no OK in Fla. We were just so much better off we did not know how screwed up life was. Actually the sun really helped us fake it better.
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We get more now that inarticulate language is a way that people are dishonest and sometimes controlling. We thought they were just stupid. There is a lot of that. We are just starting to understand people also use inarticulate listening and reading for the same purpose.
We are really starting to live all we have to do is be clear if we are not understood.
We are really starting to live we want to stay away from most people. And many people in certain situations.
All and all we are well pleased. It feels like we have a handle on things and it is only 3 1/2 days since therapy. Smile.
